I know what it is to lie awake mid-pregnancy, or in the exhausted early days after a loss, feeling overwhelmed or numb, alone with it all. In my own path through the prenatal and postpartum period, including pregnancy losses and birth trauma, I was not always the picture of joyful anticipation people expect. It was vulnerable, at times terrifying, but ultimately transformative. That experience is not separate from my work; it’s the reason this work holds such a special place in my practice, and why supporting individuals and families through this season isn’t only professional for me; it’s personal.
I share this because I want you to know that if the path to parenthood hasn’t looked the way you expected, you are not alone in that, and there is real support for it. As a couples therapist, I understand it from a professional side and from a personal side.
Why People Seek Prenatal Counseling
Growing a family is often expected to be a joyful time, but for many people it also brings stress, uncertainty, and emotional ups and downs. As our bodies, relationships, and sense of self begin to shift, new fears and unhealed wounds can surface in unexpected ways.
The path to parenthood is rarely as simple as it appears from the outside. People come to this work for many different reasons, including:
- Infertility fears or the adoption experience
- Financial worry
- Pregnancy after loss, or pregnancy that was unplanned
- Medical diagnoses or difficult medication decisions
- Strained family relationships
- Experiences of discrimination within healthcare or the workplace — particularly for single parents, LGBTQIA+ couples, BIPOC couples, or those navigating the added complexity of the immigrant experience
These challenges can affect how safe, healthy, prepared, and confident we feel as we move toward parenthood. They can also place strain on partnerships, family relationships, and our connection to ourselves.
When Anxiety Comes Between Partners
During prenatal planning, pregnancy, and after the birth, many people find themselves becoming unusually hard on themselves. They may question whether they are ready, worry that they are doing everything wrong, compare themselves to other parents, or feel guilty for not enjoying every moment of the experience.
When one person becomes overwhelmed by anxiety, self-criticism, or fear, the other may feel helpless, shut out, or pressured to provide reassurance they do not always know how to give. Without understanding what is happening beneath the surface, couples can find themselves feeling disconnected at the very time they most need one another.
How I work as a Therapist:
One of the goals of prenatal counseling is not to eliminate worry, but to help people relate to it differently. This often begins with normalizing the challenges that commonly arise during the transition to parenthood and naming the small, true things that may happen along the way. Rather than dismissing our fears or getting lost in worst-case scenarios, we can learn to acknowledge our concerns while also offering ourselves and one another comfort and compassion.
Prenatal counseling helps build tolerance for uncertainty, strengthen emotional connection, and create a sense that neither partner has to carry the experience alone. When my clients learn to turn toward one another with openness and care, even in moments of fear and ambiguity, they create a foundation of security that can support both the transition to parenthood and the years that follow.
Clients have come to me in the past, their newborn in their laps, both at their limit, feeling like their emotions and expectations were manageable for themselves or seen by the other. Burnout was heavy, defensiveness high, criticism of the other and themselves was painful and frequent, and both felt utterly alone.
Early sessions were spent slowing down that emotional arc, lowering the intensity of their interactions, and receiving the validation they longed for from each other from me. We looked at biological factors, like sleep deprivation and the impact of poor nutrition and lack of self-care, delved into how postpartum anxiety and depression might present in different genders of parent, and there was a great deal of naming the cycle of conflict that was spinning out of control. Each parent was able to sit in the discomfort of their loudest perceptions and share those with me, always poised to catch how those could be heavy, get misunderstood, or feel simply sad.
Next, we dove deeper. Slowly, and with my guidance protecting the emotional safety of each parent, we looked at what underlying emotions were asking to be comforted or recognized, and what unmet needs were calling out for attention. By the end, those parents were collaborators moving through a hard time instead of attacking one another or suffering in silence. Wider context was shared, deeper emotions were understood, and needs were being met consistently. There was relief, connection, and grace being given to each other and towards themselves whenever a hard moment arose. We celebrated that restructured and protected bond together, and those parents moved into the maintenance phase, confident that they could always reach out to me to come in and fine-tune their growing relationship and their new identities as parents.
Who I Work With
Over the years, I have had the privilege of working with people at many different points in their parenting journey:
- Some are taking their first steps into family planning, wondering what kind of parent they hope to become.
- Others are couples preparing for the imminent arrival of a baby while learning to navigate the changes pregnancy brings to their relationship.
- I have also worked with single parents caring for infants while carrying the weight of complex trauma, often with little support and few places to turn.
What connects all of these experiences is the desire to create a safe, loving foundation for a child while also caring for the well-being of the parent.
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
To walk alongside clients through this monumental life transition is one of the greatest privileges of my work. Together, we create space for healing, growth, and self-understanding — tending to the inner child as well as the adult stepping into motherhood or fatherhood, and nurturing the bond between us and ourselves, and between us and our families.
My hope is to help parents bring new life into a cocoon of preparedness, joy, power, and emotional safety, knowing they do not have to navigate the journey alone.
Schedule an appointment with Emily Gilmartin or check out her profile to learn more about her.
Article by Emily Gilmartin, LMHC-A
